Whatever part of Nigeria you live in, you’ve most likely had to use public transport to find your way around, whether it’s a bus or a taxi. For some of us, it’s a part of our daily lives, navigating to and from school/work, for others, it is a once-in-while experience on those days when life’s demands shift you out of your usual comfort.

Whatever size the pocket of your experience with public transportation may be, you’ve more than likely encountered drivers that fall within the following categories below:

DJs on Actual Wheels 

Let me start with the one I take most personal. There is a common metaphoric phrase that associate DJs with wheels (Like DJ Tokumbo on the wheels of steel); well for these ones it’s no metaphor. They’re usually the ones you have to signal when receiving a phone call to turn down the volume. Their speakers are always on full blast. Aside that, it is also a dicey situation; Sometimes the jams fall within your line of musical tastes, which earns them extra gratitude points. It can, however, be an enduring ride when that is not the case. Worst case scenarios are the ones that go full ethnic mode.. cough* fuji… cough* highlife… cough* cough*

The Talkative

If you’re the kind who subscribes to the mode of ‘journey before destination,’ they might be ideal for you. This is because, for one, they’re usually the slowest. Slow-and-chatty wins the race here. The conversations usually revolve around the recent happenings in Nigeria, but it could really be anything, even down to the TV-watching habits of their 10-year-old son at home. If they’re not your style, you best hope your earpiece is in good condition. You might also want to avoid the front seat.

The Feisty Ones

The first way to detect these is by how they yell at you to get in the car instead of idling by the door, waiting for the chance of a window seat. They’re also strict on having change, as their early warnings indicate.

The good news is they can be fast and straight to business. But make sure your communications with them are clear, from the agreed fare price to your identified destination. They’re not very understanding and never like to lose the argument.

“Fuel is Expensive”

These ones are not even commercial drivers; they’re just trying to maintain their cars and afford fuel in this harsh economic condition. You would think this makes them a bit flexible with price, “dey play.” By the time they give you the precise details of the pricing and customer service habits of every fueling station you pass by on the road with them, you’ll grow weary of the negotiation. 

Fast n’ Furious

Either these types have quite a disturbing combination of work and play, or they just take being the head and not the tail too seriously. One thing is for sure, the little handle just above the car window will come in very useful, along with some muttered prayers. Oh, and while you’re at it try winding up that window.

The Storytellers

These drivers have had quite an interesting life, either on the road or off it. If they like you and the trip is long enough for the conversation, they’ll play you a VHS tape of their life stories. They’re usually the heroes of the story, probably did something brave, like yelling at a policeman at a checkpoint or standing up to armed robbers on the road.

Rare Gems

POV: they turned out to have car chargers when you really needed them or decided not to take up another passenger in the front seat to share the space with you.

They’re usually educated, which makes you question how they ended up as drivers. Some of them probably took the same course you’re currently studying. 

They’re usually pleasant, can be conversational, but only if they see you’re up for it. They can go out of their way to give you clear directions on where you’re going if you’re not sure of the route. They can even alter their routes just to get you closer. You usually would leave the trip feeling grateful it wasn’t another fare you booked.